White Flag

You fought so hard to win this war.
You slashed your sword, hurted his arm.
You raised your gun, paralyzed his legs.
You released your arrow and scorned his flesh.

You have your point, you know that you were right.
You called up alliances to help you in the fight.
You spread the word of his betrayal.
And only 'til he surrender will you be triumphant.

But he never did surrender,
He also fought his side.
It made you despise him more
And in your heart, this hatred, you stored.

When the final moment came
You could already feel the victory.
And amidst the raging battlefield
You saw him face to face.

You crunched him.
You punched.
You drew your sword and slashed him
And you didn't care that his red blood's dripping

But what you didn't see
Through his thinning armor.
Was that his tears were flowing
As he saw your anger.

You gave the final blow,
And brought an end to this war.
You raised your hand to the sky
And let out a victorious cry.

But when there was no white flag raised
You wondered why.
You looked around
And saw the result of what you have done.

Anger has clouded your mind.
And you never saw the clear vision.
Until finally when you look down amongst the cadaver flies,
On that blood stained ground, there he lies.

Now you cried and you cried real hard.
Your tears were flowing as you flashback from the past.
And when you knelt down to remove your enemy's helmet,
You now saw the face that you once called friend.

This time you scream and let out an outcry.
Stuck on a life suddenly ended.
You sobbed as you think 'How can I even try?'
For these severed bonds I should just have mended.

Now you walk away from this barren mess.
Guilt started to crawl up, the deepest sorrow you can taste.
You won the fight, yes -
But it was you that the white flag was raised.

Slapped by Marshall Erickson

What is this feeling
That’s put you in your place?
A hot red burning on the side
Of your face.
You feel the blood rush to your cheek,
Tears start to fill your eyes.
Your lips are trembling but you can’t speak
You’re trying, oh you’re trying not to cry.

You just got slapped
Across the face my friend.
You just got slapped
Yes that really just happened.
Well, everybody saw it, hah
Everybody laughed and clapped.
‘Cause it was awesome.
The way that you just got slapped.

Smile

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you'll just...
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just...
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just Smile...
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just Smile

The JECALAW

LOVE

1
One should not think of stealing another girl's boyfriend
more even so if they are already married.

2
If there is no one to cuddle get a pet!

3
Don't give a person a reason to believe you love him if you don't
(Adapted from Bob Ong)

4
"Commitment" is synonymous to "Effort"

5
Yes, it is right that you don't need to change completely
for him or her to love you more, the real thing is you have
to figure out how to adjust to each others needs and expectations.

6
The reason that you fight is because you're adjusting to each other
and yes, its just NORMAL

FRIENDSHIP

1
Save the friendship that's worth keeping
Loose the boyfriend if its not working.

2
A bestfriend and a boyfriend is so much the same
as you are entering a commitment less of the intimacy.

3
What comes first before being tactful?
It's EMPATHY.

LIFE

1
When you are left to deal with the pain alone,
you become stronger.

2
Yes it would be nice if people will support you in your time of need,
but supporting yourself first would be better.

3
Think of life NOT as this ladder type program:
Birth-School-Work-Marriage-Raising Children-Retiring-then Dying
Live for today because tomorrow may not come.

4
Live without any regrets.

5
It's better to not have children if you can't even
take good care of your own life.

6
Don't act like a loser, there's always a way.

7
Not everyone thinks and acts like you do
so keep an open mind when dealing with irritating people.

8
If you are stuck up in living in this very materialistic world
look up in the sky and think about this,
God exists.
Life is not really all about making money.

Transition Period

September 6, 2009, a very rainy Sunday afternoon, I was walking home after my overnight stay at my bestfriend's house, Maui. I left at Maui's house in a very gloomy mood. It turned out that my friend Dona and Prince, a couple back in my college days who clearly love each other, ended up breaking apart because for some circumstances that they end up hurting one another. I was thinking to myself, how could things turn out to be like this? Is it because they're loving too much? Is it really like that? And then it got me thinking about my own situation.

Apparently me and Evan was in this petty quarrel on which I had started. I was just bummed. There was this one night where I phoned Evan and was talking all the things that happened to me, blah blah blah. When I ran out of things to say I asked him if he has any story he can tell me and he said none since he was only at home doing the usual stuff. There at that very moment, it just happened again, we shared this awkward silence.

Well guys, you see when you are in a long distance relationship all you can do share is talk-talk-talk and let me tell you how much of a great effort you must put into if you want your relationship to really work. I believe that I gave this relationship the best of what I can do. I really pushed myself to make things easier for him, making the unattainable, attainable. Although I know that he is really not that kind of person who talks a lot and tells a very detailed story of one's boring life just like what I was doing with him. But my point here is, atleast I'm trying to share my life with him but I don't get the same reciprocal effect. I was having too much disappointment over him. I didn't know that I'll come to this point in my life where my heart got tired of keeping this relationship.

So with my friend's ending relationship, my very much troubled love life and most of all ,with a rainy atmosphere, I thought to myself "What could have been in store for me?". Then suddenly the emo part of me came out and took over.

"I don't know yet the purpose of my life" I said to myself. (Jeez, very much emo! Haha!)

Is it to become a women's right activist? To spread awareness to people that every day a woman gets abused physically, mentally and sexually? To help abused women rise up from their suffering and live? To be an instrument of woman empowerment?

I talked to God saying "If I will choose that path, the devils that I longed wanted to forget will reappear before me again.".

"Is it really to become a CPA?" I also thought, "because I just gave up on my review for the board exam".

"Will I have kids? Because somehow I sense that I will not have any. I feel like I will live till my 40's."

"Do I still love him?"

All those thoughts were running through my head as I walk crying, on a rainy Sunday afternoon, then wiping my tears away as I approach our front door.

"Mommy, I'm home."

Stand up! Heads up!

Stand up! Heads up!
I can do this, I'll surpass this.
Stand up! Heads up!
I will show you all, I will break away.

Stand up! Heads up!
No! I don't need to be taken care of.
Stand up! Heads up!
I will cry out. I will be stronger.

Stand up! Heads up!
Yes, I will suffer.
Stand up! Heads up!
But I'll bravely take the pain.

Stand up! Heads up!
I will fight! I will rise!
Stand up! Heads up!
I will succeed. It will suffice.

First Kiss: Strawberry Flavored Lip Balm (Part III)

"Mahal mo naman ako, mahal naman kita.
Nayayakap mu na naman ako eh, tayo na"

These were the words I texted when he asked me,

"Jeca, pwede bang manligaw?"

Yes, on that faithful day of November 4, 2002 it became official, we were a couple. I may seem to be too aggressive (well yeah, maybe) but I have my reason for that. Let me give you a little background about us;

We knew we like each other since first year of highschool. On our sophomore year he tried to court me but I refused since I felt we were too young at that time to be in a relationship. We remained on a mutual understanding status, even having it called "Loyalty Award". Junior year had been difficult, we had many misunderstandings and I ended up saying yes to my first exboyfriend. On that Summer vacation before entering our forth year in highschool, Lyndon gave us the news that he might be transferring to another school in Lipa, Batangas. I was already preparing myself, focusing my attention to other guys so that I can forget about him. But then he didn't transfer. Upon entering senior year, he learned that Kevin and I have been sweet with each other on our COCC Summer training program, so he decided to support Kevin. Luckily I have my angels, Aileen and Noemi who told him, "Kung mahal mo siya eh di ipaglaban mo! May the best man win."

I was figuratively walking on clouds through the corridors and pathways of our school when classes assumed after that evening. I love Mondays while hating Fridays and when there are Saturday classes, I could never thank Cupid enough! Lecture hours turned to be a total daydreaming activity. I only came back reality when Recess and Lunch break bells rang. Powder, hair brush and perfume had been the most essential things in my bag and a 3 minutes retouching had become a special skill. Then I'll go down to our barkada booth to wait for him, give him a smile that will trigger his heartbeat and make him fall for me allover again.

That December 2002 the Lord of the Rings sequel entitled: "The Two Towers" was being shown in cinemas. Our barkada, joined by me, Evan, Aileen, Noemi, Ryan, Sonny, Chris and Kevin, together with Aileen's boyfriend back then, Serjay, planned to watch it at the SM Manila Cinema. We were not able to sit all together since the cinema was already packed with so many people so we sat by couples.

I was watching with my head against Lyndon's shoulder but when he over me to ask me something our faces met at a very uncomfortable distance. We can practically hear each others breath and only one thing came to my mind, "kiss".

First Kiss: Christmas Kiss (Part II)

On my third year of high school I received a teddy bear from Lyndon for the third consecutive time that Christmas. He was not yet my boyfriend that year. It was the last day of school for year 2001 and we were having a yearly Chirstmas Party. I was under a very problematic situation back then and my spirit was really down that is why when I held my very first teddy bear I was really touched. He never forgotten to give me Christmas presents. I told Aileen that I was going to kiss him as my way of gratitude because I never really had given him anything since first year.

The day was nearly ending when I saw Lyndon and our friend Jonic going to the staircase since their classroom was located at the second floor.

"It's now or never" I thought.

When I called out his name and went towards him I thought Jonic would just head towards their classroom to give us some space, but he didn't.

"Shocks naman, nakakahiya, bakit kasi ayaw pang umalis ni Jonic"

But I didn't have any choice and I was really determined to do it. So I just talked to Lyndon saying "Thank you talaga sa teddy bear ha." He replied, "Wala yun".

I was only repeating that same line over and over again until I grab his hand, leaned forward and kiss him in the cheek. My plan was to kiss him and then run away. I immediately looked away and was about to run when he, with his very keen reflexes, grab my hands before I could even take my second step.

"Shocks naman!!!"

My blood was going up in my head. I tried to free my hand from his grasp but he was too strong.

"Uy, sige na" I was really blushing and couldn't look at him at all. I can't even remember what he was saying because I was totally embarrassed not only for the fact that I just kissed him but also because Jonic was standing just a meter away from us and had seen the whole scenario! It was double the embarrassment. Jeez.

First Kiss: The Beginning (Part I)

Every hopeless romantic have thought of it: their first kiss. As young as ten years old, I was already dreaming about how my perfect first kiss would be. It would be at the perfect place, perfect time, perfect day, the perfect weather and ofcourse, with the perfect man.

My Journey started approximately thirteen years ago. I was at my neighbor's house watching Sailormoon. It just started to air every Sunday at that time when I was in grade four. My childhood friend, Antoinette and I were sitting on the floor watching closely to their TV as possible.

The story was this, Mamoru, aka, Tuxedo Mask kept dreaming about a princess who had always asked him to find the moon crystal if he wants to regain his forgotten memories. One night, while sneaking to a masquerade ball, he found a girl closely similar to the princess he was dreaming of. It was Usagi. He immediately became curious and asked her for a dance. Skipping to the part where Sailormoon fought against the enemy, Usagi got drunk after having too much punch. Tuxedo Mask came behind her and carried her to the balcony. There, under the moonlight, he kissed her.

A certain chill rushed thru my whole body when I saw that kiss. At that very instance where I had my very first 'kilig' moment, love had been born in my heart. My sister would always tease me about that day. She said that after I went home from my neighbor's house sobrang kilig na kilig daw ako.

So that was the story on how I became a love-sick puppy. I spent days day dreaming about it while in class. It was one of the reasons why I had failing grades in gradeschool but nonetheless it is because of Sailormoon that I began to draw and became artistic.

Believe it or not, imagining a kiss with someone had been vital to my decision making process over my love life and friendship. This is how I sort things out with Ryan, Kevin and Lyndon.

To start of, I can't even imagine and totally don't want to see myself kissing Ryan. That will be a total "ugh" and "yuck". That is how I knew that what relationship I had with him is the total form of friendship and nonetheless. As you see, Ryan had been the best friend who I can connect with on a deep personal level and I'm happy to share this with him without any strings of affection.

Back in high school I had mixed feelings with Kevin. I clearly didn't know if I have a crush on him or if I was just overwhelmed to the feeling that he likes me (seriously Kevin if your reading this I'm just telling them our history.=P). But I can't also imagine myself kissing him. This is how I came up with my decision that I can't really force myself into a much deeper relationship with him.

I don't want to kiss any other guy because I only want it with Lyndon and up until now he is the only guy I ever want to share it with. I believe that in a span of time you will only think of one person who you can be ultimately be intimate with.