Don't bother. I'm moving on.

-Buffy
03/01/2010

I think there will never be a guy
who is meant for someone like me.

I'm hurting.

-Buffy

02/28/2010

His gonna leave me anyway.

-Buffy
02/28/10

On Hating Men

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Even after 7 years of knowing each other, our differences, which was not an issue before, just started to boil up to the surface. This is what distance does I guess. You may think that you completely know each other so well but no, he’s just another stranger that you have to adjust to and maybe it’s because me, as a woman, is starting to think about my future- a family.

“Darn, your right ate” is what I would say to those who said this line when I was younger: “girls mature faster than the boys”. Now I’m thinking about how my life would settle and it started on the day I dreamed about my own wedding.

“It would be the best wedding my friends will ever attend to” as I kept saying on my mind as I held my head against the table top, staring at the ceiling while smiling.

If I foresee wedding as a trophy that I eagerly wanted to have there’s no one to blame but Disney and those sappy-eyed, old school, love story movies. They always end there stories with the girls getting married and live happily ever after. Making wedding the solution to a girl’s living nightmare. Even making Prince Charming so perfect! (I so much hate you Disney!) As if men are perfect! They have many lapses and not all men know how to take care of a girl like Prince Charming. They’re not always at the right place at the right time when you needed them. Geez…

Men from my time are DORKS! If the story of sleeping beauty happens today it would end up with sleeping beauty being sexually molested. Just last year we decided to move to a new house since there was a guy who was constantly bugging me while drunk. At first I did not mind him but as days pass by he became even more assertive. The last straw was when he, as drunk as hell, stopped the moving pedicab I was riding towards home, just so he could talk to me. I even felt that the manong, who’s driving, was as terrified as I was.

I went home so mad as I converted that fear to anger, slamming the gate behind me. He went on our front gate afterwards and I confronted him telling him to get off my back.

“Akala mo ba natutuwa ako sa mga pinaggagagawa mo?! Di ako nagpapaligaw sa’yo, tantanan mo na ko!”

After that we move to a new place. Well this place is much peaceful and secured than before but yet again I just had another unwanted admirer who looks at me from head to toe whenever I pass by. Hay… A girl’s beauty is truly her curse. And if we girls don’t take care of ourselves or let down our guard for just one moment we can end up mistreated or worse – dead.

Now going back to my beau, I love him. I love him so much. I love him so much I’m being the guy in our relationship. I’m the one calling, the one coming over to his house, the one financing lunch, dinner and our traveling expenses and the worst of all is I don’t know how long this kind of set up will last!

Maybe I have such huge pride but where is yours? Have you lost it??? I know that you don’t have a job right now but please don’t make that the only excuse not to take any action from everything! Like you’re so impotent! If I’m being so demanding here then you’re being so selfish. I hate you for making me feel like this. Like I’m just someone begging you for affection.

Please, can’t you see me exerting my part here? Can you just meet me halfway?

I'm Loving Angels Instead

I sit and wait,
Does an angel contemplate my fate?
And do they know
The places where we go
When we're grey and old?
'cos I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold.
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead.

And through it all he offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call he won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
He breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all he offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call he won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead


Angel – David Archuleta Music Code

Mr. Right is freaking no where to be found.

-Buffy
02/03/2010