tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44861612235606192402024-02-19T05:27:34.814-08:00Empress BuffyA blog-diary for moments I might not remember anymore in the future.buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-1468990481834080622015-03-07T08:00:00.000-08:002015-06-19T10:59:28.109-07:00Tarnished Love<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Heartaches, they have different effects on people. For some, they found new love - a love that treats them better, some discover their real sexuality or may have found their calling, others turned out to do the same to other people, lashing out their revenge and outrage, but for me, having felt how painful it was to be lied, disrespected and betrayed to, I came to tell myself, “I’ll never want to be the cause of this kind pain to other people.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I’ve closed my mind with this principle, I wouldn’t let myself be someone else’s mistress, a home wrecker or the other woman. I came to hate others doing it but when someone very close to me became one, I had no choice but to understand their situation. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>What is it that led them to this situation? Why haven’t they stop at the beginning if they know it wasn’t right, that they will hurt the people who loves them? Why with someone already committed, much worst, why with someone already married? Why???</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Going deeper, I saw the realty of marriage. That it’s not true that after being married you will live happily ever after like what those story books are telling. I saw people making the mistake of marrying someone because they’re stressed about their age, then eventually finding someone who they clicked with. I also saw how staying on an abusive household will have an effect on the members of the family. Why would I try to keep the family together if it is no longer functioning well? Who am I to deny their so called love?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>But this much I hold on to myself, that there is still true love. In this time where broken family and unfaithful relationship is all around me, I say to myself, there is still love, that pure and true love, like the love I’m getting from Rick and the love that I am seeing with my family. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> I thank you Rick for always making me feel loved. You bring such joy to my heart that I am deeply fulfilled with happiness and contentment. Thank you for being true to me. I still remember that day when I said this to you, "'Wag mo ko lolokohin ha, masisira tau" I am so scared that I'll go thru the same ordeal again, but you quickly replied, "Malamang masisira tau kung lolokohin kita." Buti ka pa alam mo yan. My heart was at peace when I heard your answer. You knew that mistake will never be right. You knew how vulnerable I am and you took great care for me. Baby, I love you to the fullest. Thank you.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I thanked my friends, who at the time I was heartbroken and feeling so sorry for myself, they were there to carry the burden with me. That when the time I was in a long distance relationship, they have kept me company. That they were there when I was feeling so lonely and alone. From that long distance relationship I came to strengthen my bond with them and eventually polished me to be more confident, to have myself respect back and eventually loving and valuing me as a person. I also would like thank my cousins who showed me how wonderful it is to have found true love and stay committed to each other, you all are my living example. I want to thank my parents that even thru the unending fights and misunderstanding they have never left each other. This was my foundation. I guess this is where my conviction sprouted.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Love was never a selfish act. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-68231151245487606602012-01-22T10:41:00.000-08:002012-01-23T06:51:38.121-08:00Love of a Different Kind<p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;"><b>Part I: My Dead Heart Beats Again</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;"><b><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ocq8kWxRAXI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">When I went up to Starbucks Sky Garden that night he was not yet there. I told myself I’ll just go through it and that it will be the last time I’ll be going out with him. When I saw him coming towards me I looked at him and thought that I’m not really attracted. I played nice, walked beside him towards Pizza Hut where we had our dinner. When we got to our table I asked him to sit next to me as I’m concerned about my tank top going low, he’ll be so lucky if I give him a free show. He refused and sat across me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">I paid for the dinner just to shrug off the “intimate” date and let it be a normal friendly date. When we got out of the place he insisted that he treat me to a coffee shop “Sa Seattle’s Best, natry mo na ba dun?” He got one of my weaknesses – coffee! I smiled unknowingly since I couldn’t reject the offer, “Sige.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">We went across Trinoma and found myself inside SBC. “Ano gusto mo?” he asked. “Ikaw na bahala” I replied as I got a table for us.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">The first sip was – “heaven”. The best frappuccino I ever had and the desert was a like thousand angels singing as I chewed it slowly in my mouth. I couldn’t have enjoyed myself more than ever and I know that it was so good since I was smiling the whole time.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">When we finished with our coffee he invited me to go upstairs for a smoke, a total turn off. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and there I texted Evan saying “the best ka pa din.” </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">We got a cab when we decided to go home. We both live in 10<sup>th</sup> avenue but his house will be the first stop from Trinoma. I joked around saying I’ll fetch him home since I’m much older so that his mom would not worry. He said “Hindi nga? Gusto mo pumunta sa bahay?” then suddenly the joke was on me. He asked again and again while we were nearing his house that I panicked and said “sige na nga.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">When I got out of the cab I was getting very tense as I was going to see his family on our first date! He went inside first, I was standing outside frozen. He went back out to call me to go in. There I saw his brother sitting while watching Megamind. His mom was at the kitchen sink and when she turned around and saw me she was surprised. It was really the first time that Rick brought home a girl to introduce to his family, “Ano na ba ‘tong napasok ko?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">But I was happy by their reaction towards me. His mom even went up to have his dad looked at me. I was appreciated by the whole family – it warmed my heart, a feeling I never expected from them. I was smiling genuinely, even Rick. His brother was even teasing him “pakain ka naman!” When me and Rick were preparing to leave, his mom was asking me to come back again and eat lunch with them the next day.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">I couldn’t stop smiling up until we reached my house, opened the door and went to my room where my sister was sitting. “Ano’ng nangyari?” my sister asked. “Wala, Masaya lang ako.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><b>Part II: The Hardest Decision</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><b><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VvnVcvv3wr0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">I couldn’t sleep that night and I couldn’t stop smiling. I was so overwhelmed with what happened that evening. How much I was welcomed by the family, how happy they were upon seeing me. Still smiling my eyes began to tear up. Fear began to fill up my heart. Crying while smiling – smiling while crying? I never imagined that I would feel so much happiness and so much sadness at the same time. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">I posted a smiley on Facebook and it got Evan intrigue. He called me and asked me what happened and I told him about my encounter with Rick’s family. I cried the whole day the next day. Thinking of what I will do. I would really like to feel again what I felt the other day when I was with Rick, I want to feel courted. Feel what it was to be a girl for a moment but if I do it will mean I have to break it off with Evan. “Can I survive without Evan?” For a long time that we’ve been partners I can’t imagine how I can live a day without him. It would be like walking with one leg. What if I was wrong about Rick? Then I will lose them both.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><a href="http://s60.photobucket.com/albums/h2/evancito/?action=view&current=chatwithmau.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h2/evancito/chatwithmau.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><a href="http://s60.photobucket.com/albums/h2/evancito/?action=view&current=rick.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h2/evancito/rick.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Rick was texting me that day saying his mom asking for me to come to their house and have lunch with them. I declined the offer since my eyes was already sore from crying. My mom and sister who never seen me cry about my love life saw me cry that day and I didn’t even care. My mom said “Baket mo iniiyakan? Patay na ba?” She was thinking that Evan left me for another but my sister said “Ma, siya kaya ang may iba. Haha!” They were making me laugh about my situation. Evan was not texting me the whole day that I began to worry. “Hindi ko pala talaga kaya” I called him and said “Bati na tayo, hindi na ko makikipagkita sa kanya.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">I meant it but couldn’t do it. When I saw Rick at the office my heart was saying “What if this is the answer to my prayer? What if he was really the one? What if this was the chance I’m asking God?” When I came home I texted Evan saying it was over.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/XP05DB0dmho" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">The next few days I felt so broken hearted. Full of guilt, full of pain, full of sorrow. How could I? How could I be the one to break the promise we had when we were 16? How could I just dump all those years that we went through? All those trials we both trying to overcome came to waste just like that? How can I be so SELFISH???</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Food became unappetizing. Getting enough sleep became a struggle. I often wake up so early in the morning and couldn't get myself to sleep some more. I was clinging to Rick’s attention since he’s the only one who could make me smile but I chose not to ask for his help to make me feel better. It was my burden that I intended to carry alone and solve on my own. It wouldn’t be fair for him if I use him as a rebound guy. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">One morning when I wake up again before dawn I decided just to browse in the internet just to kill time. My sister was now getting worried and asked me what my problem is? I burst out crying “nadedepress ata ako.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Before anything bad ever happen to me I decided to go seek for help from God. I asked my manager’s permission if I can take a half day off to go to Quiapo Church. There I prayed for Him to help me take the sadness away. I visited Fr. Frank who I had never seen for a long time. When I finally got the chance to talk to him I let it all out. All the things that’s been on my head that’s making me so depress. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/UWwZ2JVxd_A" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">I really felt it, God’s answer to my prayer – His love for someone like me. After that day that I went to church I felt so light and so relieved. As if a heavy burden was taken off my shoulder. God really helped me through it all. He healed me.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><b>Part III: Another Chance</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><b><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WnqO0Y5e84U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">After you experience all the misunderstandings, the heartache, the disappointments, the arguments for a very long time your heart becomes numb. Numb of the feeling of joy, of happiness, of appreciation. I was amazed that Rick made my heart beat again. It’s like he breath life to my dead heart.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">I never did mention this to him but there were things he did that reminds me of Evan.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">His first invite for a dinner was at Tokyo Tokyo, just like Evan, he also ordered potato balls just like he did. I haven’t even remembered that event until then. Just like Evan, he dearly love his grandfather and a mama’s boy, their knowledge about world war history, his enthusiasm with anime and online / lan games. It made me reflect and realize this: I so longed and prayed to God when I was a teen to make Evan mine, that when He eventually said yes I experienced so many hardships on our relationship but when I prayed to God that I’ll accept whoever man He destined me to be with I met Rick. It’s like God was making me experience the same story but with a better man and a better kind of love.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">I thought to myself? Why haven’t I met Rick in the first place then I wouldn’t have been hurt from my relationship with Evan? But then, how could I appreciate Rick if I hadn’t experienced all those things. Will I even look to Rick with the same kind of love if I haven’t yet been with Evan? I doubt it. As I aged, I had seen God’s plan for me materialize. How all of those things He let me experience became the person I am now and how my heartaches made me appreciate the man I am with today.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Frzs2ELFXsg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> January 21, 2012</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">For you my dearest Rick,</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">I’ve been through sorrow before I met you and it led me to experience love and happiness at its full height. I will be devoted to you as long as you are with me. I will love you to the fullest taking the chance that you might hurt me the deepest. I will look after for your happiness and if ever the time comes that that happiness will not be me then I will give it to you for that is how much I love you. Thank you for loving and taking care of me. I am lucky to have known of this feeling of love that others longed and searched for.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> From,</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> Jeca</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"></p><div style="width:480px;text-align:right;"><embed width="480" height="360" src="http://static.pbsrc.com/flash/rss_slideshow.swf" flashvars="rssFeed=http%3A%2F%2Ffeed60.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh2%2Fevancito%2Frickjeca%2Ffeed.rss" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent"></embed><a href="http://photobucket.com/redirect/album?showShareLB=1" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/share/icons/embed/btn_geturs.gif" style="border:none;" /></a><a href="http://s60.photobucket.com/albums/h2/evancito/rickjeca/" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/share/icons/embed/btn_viewall.gif" style="border:none;" /></a></div><p></p>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-9640586167098817022011-07-10T07:46:00.000-07:002011-07-10T07:51:19.569-07:00The Best Thing You Never Had<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/FHp2KgyQUFk" allowfullscreen="" width="560" frameborder="0" height="349"></iframe><br /><br />There was a time<br />I thought, that you did everything right<br />No lies, no wrong<br />Boy I, must've been outta my mind<br />So when I think of the time that I almost loved you<br />You showed your ass and I saw the real you<br /><br />Thank God you blew it<br />Thank God I dodged the bullet<br />I'm so over you<br />So baby good lookin' out<br /><br />I wanted you bad<br />I'm so through with it<br />Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had<br />You turned out to be the best thing I never had<br />And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had<br />I bet it sucks to be you right now<br /><br />So sad, you're hurt<br />Boo hoo, oh, did you expect me to care?<br />You don't deserve my tears<br />I guess that's why they ain't there<br />When I think that there was a time that I almost loved you<br />You showed your ass and I saw the real you<br /><br />I know you want me back<br />It's time to face the facts<br />That I'm the one that's got away<br />Lord knows that it would take another place, another time, another world, another life<br />Thank God I found the good in goodbye<br /><br />I used to want you so bad<br />I'm so through it that<br />Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had<br />Oh you turned out to be the best thing I never had<br />Oh I will never be the best thing you never had<br />Oh baby, I bet it sucks to be you right now<br /><br />Goes around, comes back around<br />Goes around, comes back around<br />Bet it sucks to be you right now<br />Goes around, comes back around<br />Bet it sucks to be you right now<br />Goes around, comes back around<br />Bet it sucks to be you right nowbuffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-54791604935481900252011-07-02T22:02:00.000-07:002012-01-22T17:35:10.207-08:00The Paramount Bridge<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWplajxOryFlTCXMyBKdUsslkq01rd47G2fJ4wLm_B9ubCTZIAcqy2zzBvGHIbmwSnqSRij6Qukw7sGEkZpztrQVXY8P8-Va43HYcQlQMHlAz8Fv3WV7RfMXuPOjHU28ZiCTm9QVoOlZG2/s1600/1aragorn-arwen.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 210px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWplajxOryFlTCXMyBKdUsslkq01rd47G2fJ4wLm_B9ubCTZIAcqy2zzBvGHIbmwSnqSRij6Qukw7sGEkZpztrQVXY8P8-Va43HYcQlQMHlAz8Fv3WV7RfMXuPOjHU28ZiCTm9QVoOlZG2/s320/1aragorn-arwen.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5624992651394508578" border="0" /></a>I was filled with doubts and worries about my future with Evan. I was in so much loneliness upon learning that he still don’t know how to care for me, to care about my feelings. But I don’t blame him, I blame it to the this damn long distance relationship. I tried to move on and shake off those worry feelings I’m having for it can destroy my remaining affection towards Evan. <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">To set my mind on something else rather that to feel the loneliness I tried to contact my friends to come go out with me on the weekend. I was scanning facebook when I received a text message from Rick asking what I was doing. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">Rick. I wonder why he never asked me if I have a boyfriend. When he was first assigned in our branch last August I thought, “oh well, a new roving teller. He looked 28. Hmmm… pwede na din” then I looked away and never really pay too much notice towards him.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">I was holding my cellphone and thought, why not go out with him? Jp’s too attached with me now, maybe I can befriend Rick and make him test subject number 3 (first being Jayson then Jp for Ryan’s replacement). So I played, replying to his text, that I’m trying to find someone to come with me at the mall on Saturday. He asked me to let him come then I teased him saying “wag na baka magpalibre ka pa.” I like to tease him about being three years younger than me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">“Ano? 21 ka pa lang!” was my initial reaction upon learning about his age. First of all, I don’t want to date younger guys than me. I want to be taken care of; I don’t want to be the one to take care of. Second, he never had a girlfriend, if it was me I don’t want to be the first girlfriend anymore. I don’t want to teach someone how to be a boyfriend.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">Eventually I told Evan I will go out on Saturday with Rick. He asked me why off all people I would go out with a guy who had a crush on me. I just said, “Siya na lang kaysa naman kay Jp.” He said ‘ok’ and asked me again what he looks like and again I just said “Di ko type”.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">My mind was fighting against my feelings. Whenever he comes to the office my heart skips a beat and I was feeling very tense and smiling unwillingly. My officemates teases me every time because when we share a glance with each other our faces lights up with a big smile on our faces. I just took it and said to myself “wala lang yun.” I was lying to myself.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">Saturday came, I was at work in the morning. I was becoming more and more nervous as time comes ticking. I texted him that I’m on my way to the mall when I got up on the bus. Evan said to me I got only an hour with him, I said not to worry I’m not falling for him. My heart was pounding and pounding up until I reached my stop – the paramount bridge. I received a text from him that he was already there at starbucks waiting for me. I was just about to climb the stairs. Halfway across the bridge I got a text from Evan saying he was feeling uneasy about me meeting up with this guy. I continued to walk and walk until when I’m about to finish crossing the end of the bridge my mind said </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">“Wag ko na lang kaya ituloy ito. Just turned around and text Rick that your sorry you can’t make it.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">I was standing there for about 2 minutes with a worried expression on my face. Somehow I was feeling that once I completely crossed that bridge my relationship with Evan will distort. I was afraid on what will happen with me and Evan.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in">A moment of silence began, like a dead heartbeat on a hospital's ER. Not really thinking about what I will do next, I began to take a step – and climb the stairs towards sky garden.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">And there I meet up with Rick.<br /></p><center style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 48px;"><br /></center><br /><p></p>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-18683740518389363882011-07-02T20:54:00.000-07:002011-10-02T07:58:46.825-07:00THE LAST OF THAT LOVE…<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> I said goodbye. I was the one who let go and left. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> I was quite surprised when he asked me to go inside San Sebastian Church. I was quite happy to be with him and pray beside him that day. I knelt down and pray to God that day saying “He is the one I will spend the rest of my life with. God, he is the one I love.” The rest I was telling Him how happy I was that I have found him and that we finally been a couple after almost three years of struggling and waiting. And even though we were having a rough time being in different universities now I said to God it’s ok, because I have him, nothing else matters.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> I was happy that day.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> The next morning a got a call from Aileen, asking me for an advice, “If you knew that the boyfriend of your friend was having an affair would you tell her?” I said to her “yes.” Then begin the worst days of my life. She told me everything about it and little by little it started to make sense. About how he would leave me at his home saying he’ll go to school and come back later. On how he said he went to the movies with his friends. On how he was on the internet café all night playing. My chest started to hurt and was so overwhelmed with pain I can’t even stop crying.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> I went to school that day so heartbroken. Crying, crying and crying. But even through that endless pain I still said to my friends, “No, I will never break up with him.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> It was ironic how one night you were just talking to God how wonderful your life is now that you have him then the next morning you find out he was lying to you to be with someone else. I looked at myself and thought that maybe I gotten so fat he doesn’t like my physical appearance anymore. And for a long time I hated myself. I even blame myself for being too possessive that he had gotten an affair. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> We’ve gotten through it. He said to me I was the one he had chosen. I tried to forget that it ever happened but I never did. And all the time that I brought it up in our fights he came saying “that was a long time ago, why do you keep bringing that up?” and again I felt so bad for always looking back at the past but the one thing he may never understand is that that affair made a big hole here in my heart that might never heal. The affair had ended a really long time ago but the pain still lives in me. That was how bad it was and nobody understands it. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> Then after two years he went to live away from the metro. We had a long distance relationship. It was so hard to cope up with that. For the first few years of that long distance affair I was crying all the time seeing him off the bus. It just breaks my heart every time I see him off. When I get the chance to spend time with him he would always looked at his watch, keeping time on his travel back to Lipa. Kept thinking to myself if he even wanted to spend time with me as how much I wanted to be with him. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I was that young and naïve girl who was so in love. At a time I learned to pick up myself. I was gaining confidence and started rebuilding my self esteem. For a moment I trained myself to be independent from him and took things on my own. I had grown. I started to hold myself together and that crying naïve young girl was starting to disappear within me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>We had a good run, was able to be happy with what I have got with him. We were genuinely happy. It was not all sorrow and pains. But while I was maturing he had started to stop living. It was almost as if we were running this track that when I look for him he was so far behind me that I have to go back and wait for him to start running. So we walked, I walked beside him just to stay together. But the goal line was so inviting that I really wanted to go there faster but I can’t run without him. I was caught in this feeling.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>We had a promise, ten years and we will get married. It will be the two of us on that altar. He might have been complacent that I will never really leave him. Many said I should, but I can’t do it. I can’t because I can’t even see myself on my own and not have him by my side. It will be like walking on one foot.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The years had been tough. I had broken up with him several times and just find myself asking for us to be together again.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> There was this one time that I attended a wedding. When the priest gives his homily he said, “when a man wants to be with a woman he loves he should ask God for His permission, thus in this wedding it is for the groom to ask permission from the Lord to have her as his wife, on the other hand, a woman can’t ask God for a man to be his husband, a woman only prays to God that He may give her a good man to be his husband. She may make wishes or pray for a guy who would be loyal to her, who will be a good provider or someone who will not harm her physically.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> Then it hit me, was I just so insisting on making this relationship happened that God said “ok”? When I’ve broken it with him last 2009 I was so devastated that I prayed to Him to just set me free from this pain and that he may find a more suitable girl that could make him happy. That he could truly love enough that he could mountains. “If it really was not him for me then now I am willing to accept the man you wanted for me God”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> Then it was a year later, I met Rick.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I was talking to my buddy saying “Nararamdaman ko Buddy may makikilala ako and I think siya na yun.”</p><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>After my vacation at Iloilo one of my officers approached me and told me that our new roving teller likes me. I just took it as a compliment and never really give it a meaning. At that time I was still with Evan. We recently had a fight that time saying to me that he really can’t make plans for our relationship because he doesn’t have the money to take me out on a date. He was asking me if I can wait for two more years. I accepted it. Thinking that two years will just pass by quickly, I just have to set my pride aside and be the one to provide if ever I wanted to spend time with him. <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> Evan was a really nice guys, he would be a good father and a good husband. I know he will not hit me physically like my father used to do with my mother. He was too much to let go of.</p> He was also a rational person, when I learned about Rick I even told it to him. He asked “gwapo ba?” that time I just said “Di ko type.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> But when Ma’am Brenda became my superior for a month my feelings changed. Ma’am Brenda was constantly teasing us that I began to be tense every time he visits our branch. There was a big smile in my face whenever I saw him coming and I just don’t know why I was feeling happy. I even like the scent of his perfume and every time I scented his perfume I know he was already there inside our branch.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> But I felt myself still committed with Evan. When he asked me if I want to watch a movie with him last December I said I was spending time with my family. It was Christmas and I was heartbroken with Evan. To get my sadness out of my head I called for Jp that evening and we had a stroll on his motorcycle. Motorcycle rides gave me this rush that I eventually forget everything else and Jp had been a perfect gentleman with me. The feeling I get from him for keeping me safe while I sat behind him supplied me with what I lack from Evan, to be taken care of. I feel quite pathetic that I have to feel it from another.</p> I was so confused as the year was ending. With Evan, Jp and Rick but I decided to hold on with Evan so I agreed to go to Evan’s house for the new year. It wouldn’t be right to keep on hanging out with Jp knowing that he’s starting to have feelings with me. I can never return the same emotion with him although I value our friendship. I don’t want to use him and hurt him. With Rick I’m think its just an infatuation, a simple crush nothing more – nothing less. <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> So I went there at Lipa to make things right. Decided I should let Jp and Rick know I’m still choosing Evan. My vacation there would be the chance to rekindle our flickering light of love and make it burn again, make the feelings come again in my heart. I’m bearing too much sadness that I’m trying to find that feeling that I had a long time ago – my great love for him. I’m worried that I don’t know anymore how it feels, to feel love. I was starting to think if I still love him or I just don’t want to be apart from him. Why am I staying in this relationship? Is it really love or is it because I’m just used to be with him. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> When I was just leaving their home that Sunday noon we had a fight. I was so angry with him for being so insensitive with me. For not even thinking I was about to go home in a bus ride for two hours, how could he make me eat a big plate of spaghetti? When we were walking towards the village entrance he was saying sorry. I was just crying so hard. Does he really know me? Is he really that insensitive? If this is the man that I’m about to spend the rest of my life with will I be this miserable? Will I always beg for his affection? Will I always tell him what I want from him just to feel he appreciates me too? Will I always be angry with him and feel so bad afterwards for not understanding his situation?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The first days of year 2011 had me thinking all about my future with Evan. The vacation I thought would clear up and strengthen my feelings for him had been the complete opposite as doubts clouded my mind. For so many years now that we have known each other we never really understood one another, we never had the chance to spend a long time together. When people ask how long is our relationship I say “almost eight years?” but if they asked me how long we’ve been a couple I can say – “about a year and a half?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Last January 3, 2011 we had a conversation, apparently he was scolded by his father for leaving the house. I had to set aside my animosity and worries towards him and support him first. The latter feelings I will deal on my own.</p>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-67381012108660418582011-07-02T20:19:00.000-07:002011-07-02T20:20:52.849-07:00Coping Without Ryan<div style="text-align: justify;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--></div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">The day I was so scared of finally happened, Ryan met Sophie. It was the signal that I have to let go of my best friend. It was so damn hard. He was always by my side for so many years. He was always so caring and reliable. It felt like my brother died. It is still so heartbreaking.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">I kept my distance and tried myself so hard not to call on him anymore whenever I want to go out. I missed him terribly whenever I am faced with problems because he can easily take away my worries by his gags and candid comments.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">And he did turn out to be a very different person. The last time our group met he was so quiet and always tending to his phone. He was not that cheerful person anymore that the group once knew. </p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">The first few months that he and Sophie started to go out I went out of the group to find him a replacement. I took it as an opportunity to meet new people or to rekindle some of my past friends. Maybe it’s just me but I want all of my chess pieces to be complete and when my knight Ryan went out I just needed to find his understudy.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">I think that these are the reasons that I longed for a male company, one was because of my daddy issues (I never did became close to my father), two was that I never really got a chance to spend time with my brother (I was closer to him than my sister when we were little) and three was that I had this long distance relationship with Evan.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">First I renewed my friendship with Jayson. He was my buddy in our high school CAT days. He was always so straight forward and very tactful and that was the traits I like most about him. Introducing him to my family was so easily since he was welcomed immediately. We had our similarities and can talk at the same level. And like Ryan, he was there whenever I call on him.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">He met his girlfriend Michelle and I thought its ok. I can cross out the part of “no possibility of him falling in love” part on my list. </p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">Then I met Jp. We were batch mate but we never really got a chance to talk during our high school days. I stayed away from him during high school since he seems to be a practical joker. After six years of graduating we sat down together on an alumni meeting at school. He offered me a ride home with his motorcycle and that started it all.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">Riding a motorcycle on the streets of the metro was a big thrill to me (as I was a thrill seeker) and there was something about riding behind him – I felt that I was taken care of. As dangerous as it is to ride a motorbike he always thinks about my safety and that he can send me home without any scratch and it touched me deeply.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">We just click right there and then. And I was undoubtedly happy.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">I thought to myself that I can finally let go of Ryan but then it happen, he started to feel something for me.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">As much as it would be hard for the both of us, I have to let him go for a while to let his feeling suffice. They may say that I am already hurting him by avoiding him but I would rather hurt him that way rather than to make him feel that every time we will be together<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I can never return the same affection towards him.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">I believe that I fully know myself in my affections with other people. At first sight I already sort them to “friend” or “lover”. Ryan, Jayson and Jp were among those people in the friend list and I know for a fact that I will never be intimate with. I do, I love them – as I loved my brother.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal"> </p>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-70966322689484659772010-08-29T09:16:00.000-07:002010-08-29T09:19:38.463-07:00Dido<div style="text-align: center;">I find it hard to say I love you,<br />Not unlike before that I can constantly repeat it.<br />Pain already took a toll on me and I think I'm being cynical 'bout love.<br />Unless you make me overwhelmed with that feeling again,<br />All I can reply to you now is "dido"<br /><br />Buffy<br /><span style="font-size:85%;">10292010</span><br /></div>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-27277935937762182772010-08-29T07:02:00.000-07:002010-08-29T09:00:23.103-07:00The Biggest Mistake of my Life<div style="text-align: justify;">It took me until today to figure out how to answer this question that was given to First Runner Up, Venus Raj. The critiques was right, this wasn’t an easy question to answer, even previous US President Bush wanted this question to have been given to him beforehand and not on an on spot interview.<br /><br />If I was to answer this question this is how I will respond:<br /><br />“It is when I lost my friendship to one my dearest friend back in high school. I did try to make things right between us, to win her back but I guess our friendship had already ended and it took me this long years before I had accepted it.”<br /><br />“The only thing I could do now is to learn from that mistake. To cherish my friends deeply, to give them a genuine love and even though the world may look down upon them I will make sure to make them feel that they are in the highest pedestal in this world whenever they are with me – a sanctuary.”<br /><br />And I just wanted to add, to Aileen, it really had been long time before I had move on from you. Now I can truly say from the bottom of my heart that I have no more bitterness about what had happen between us. I feel indifferent. We are now two different people and I feel like I don’t know you anymore, you really did changed. Maybe that is the reason why I had no more remorse feelings because the Aileen I know back then was never to be found again.<br /><br />If we do cross each other’s path I will smile to you genuinely, to the new you that I still don’t know of. I wish you true happiness.</div>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-29423277731015826712010-04-10T07:13:00.000-07:002010-08-29T07:02:14.709-07:00Dead Love<div style="text-align: center;">Your fixing yourself, I'm healing mine.<br />If you do come back to me I hope its not to late.<br />Coz I don't have any choice.<br />But to kill this emotion in order to survive.<br />If we meet up again in the future,<br />I'll be a completely different person.<br />That's the only thing I can promise you.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">-Buffy</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">04/10/10<br /><br /><br /></span></div><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/XP05DB0dmho&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/XP05DB0dmho&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-48395706972950844742010-04-10T05:40:00.000-07:002012-12-08T21:43:44.151-08:00Unappreciated<div style="text-align: justify;">
I really don't know if I'm gonna be excited to go back home to Ilocos after knowing from my cousin, Kuya Wencie, that Bubong is staying most of the time at my aunt's house to take care of the goat. They're still teasing me about him even though it was ages ago and it was not really a big time crush, it was just a one time appreciation of how good he was at basketball.<br />
<br />
I think I'm not yet ready to go back and be judge again with my body. They will all say how fat I become as if I had babies already. Jeez people, their standard of sexy is even more crucial than the people here in the city. Oh gosh, I will really need to buy myself some new clothes that will really look amazing on me. I'll show them I'm still pretty.=)<br />
<br />
Well anyways I getting bored at gym. My trainer, Kuya Obet, transferred to Fitness Center. I can't really enjoy going to the gym anymore. It almost felt like I am doing chores rather than having fun. Well of course loosing weight is not fun but what the heck. If I don't enjoy what I'm doing I never be able to finish what I started.<br />
<br />
It was funny as I think back at my first few trainings with Kuya Obet. It was at the time that I felt I was never really appreciated by Evan as a woman. It doesn't felt like he wants me anymore because of his actions towards me whenever I was with him in Batangas. By the time I went back home here in the City I was really devastated.<br />
<br />
Then I found it with Kuya Obet. First of all guys, I really think that he had been professional in dealing with me. After 2 hours of gym works he would rub my back and stretch my arms and legs to relax my muscles. It really felt so good. As I lay there with my eyes closed I always wished that Evan was the one doing it.<br />
<br />
That had become my motivation to go to the gym almost everyday. I really felt pathetic that I had to find it from some other guy what he can't seem to give to me- to feel appreciated. He would tell me that I'm glowing because I'm loosing weight and I would always smile at his comments. It came to a point where I went to a department store to buy a new perfume so that I would smell pretty beside him.<br />
<br />
That had been my deal breaker. I lost it. I really felt that I was disrespecting myself by having to find appreciation indirectly from my gym instructor. I was like beyond pathetic- I was so cheap!<br />
<br />
Well now he' gone. I'm just have to find something to motivate me to go to the gym. Anyway I think I'm doing fine by myself. Noemi is with Kevin, Ryan with Sophie, Sonny with Michelle and Buddy with his Michelle, every body else got their partners all except me. Wow, the world has really turn upside down now. I remember my phone conversation with Ryan. I told him that maybe I should have waited and didn't get a boyfriend when I was in highschool. Maybe by now I too will have somebody with me. He just said, "Duh, I doubt it." Well, what can I say, Ryan is a real jerk!<br />
<br />
From my last conversation with Evan he said WE still existed but I don't know. He doesn't even text me lately. I think he's always waiting for me to talk to him first. Why is he even like that? I'm caught in between hoping that we'll be able to make through this or accepting that what we had already ended. If he really wants me to hold on then why is he treating me like this? If I don't contact him it really felt like he doesn't even exist. I think I will be always be like this with him- taken for granted. ='C</div>
buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-43723179624159877132010-04-01T10:20:00.000-07:002010-04-10T06:42:33.016-07:00Rage<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CMichiko%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C02%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I’m in conflict, I have a problem guys. I was always a crybaby and I just discovered that from the last incident that I posted in my blog. I never realized I could cry that easily in public. Well I guess I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ve</span> been crying my whole life, I’m always that vulnerable and sensitive.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I’m the youngest in our family. When I was little and my brother and sister were going to school already, I remember my parents leaving me with my Lola and my uncle. I remember crying while seeing them off. My Lola was nice to me but my Uncle who lives with her was strict. One day I tasted my Lola’s medicine and found it to taste fruity so I ate it all. Upon my Uncle’s discovery he got really mad and began to hit me with his slippers. My Lola told him to stop and covered me with her back. I love her so much and I miss her. I miss someone who would protect me like that. Not even my mother would do that to protect me from my father. Unfortunately she <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">didn</span>’t live that long. She was the only grandmother that I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ve</span> known.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">When my brother reached high school he came to lived with our Aunt’s house . I was always so close to him back then. He was the second one who protected me, protected me from my sister whenever we quarreled. He was always there for me when my sister makes me cry. My brother became independent after that and he never really stayed home for long period of time. Now he’s married I never got that chance to spend some time with him again . He’s too far apart.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">Maybe because I was the youngest that I always longed for someone to be there as my shield but I learned everything the hard way, there’s not always somebody who could protect me. Not everyone cares if I cry so made myself strong.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">When I was a kid my father would beat me. I was so afraid of him specially when he came home drunk. I already experienced being punched in the face, being kicked. I was only in grade school. The first time that I retaliated back was when I was in my third year in high school. It was also the first time that I ran away from home and came to live with my cousins.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I believe that it started from that point that I began to harness this anger. From being scared and traumatized I hardened myself up. Whenever my father went home screaming drunk, my heart would pound so hard until I learned that if I suppress my fear and turn this into rage I would not be afraid anymore and be braver.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">And it did help me; I was able to go on with my life. Though I was rebellious I did not take the path of drugs nor alcohol. I was able to carry myself up until I graduated, get employed and have a normal life but what I did not see coming from that day was what’s happening to me now. I’m always so angry.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I’m a sensitive person, and when a person says something that I don’t like I get hurt so easily and that instant I’m already angry with her/him. Lately I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ve</span> been like living like that. I can’t smile in the morning and I’m always frowning. I’m always carrying this big rock in my shoulder and to top it all, my love life is a mess.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I’m in trial. They’re letting me have it all, this whole crazy emotion. There was a point when I said to myself maybe if I also turned this loneliness to anger maybe I could get rid of my feelings with him so easily. I’ll start hating them all and to despise him specially. And its not that hard, I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ve</span> done it before to protect myself. before. If I hardened myself it would be the easiest way that I could move on.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">But I had this dream. I believe our dream is one way on how God can talk to us just like in the stories written in the Bible. I woke up sweating that morning. I had a terrible nightmare and I knew what is it telling me about. If I continue to harness this anger I’ll be a monster and I don’t want to be a monster.
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">Now I’m fighting to regain my lost identity behind all this mask of rage where I was able to smile and to laugh again and be at peace with myself. Its just hard when there’s always somebody there to hurt you and let you down all the time.
<br /></p> buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-78069624975094667912010-03-28T08:21:00.000-07:002010-03-28T08:58:59.195-07:00Complaint Letter on Defective Product<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CJSGabat%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="Edit-Time-Data" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CJSGabat%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_editdata.mso"><!--[if !mso]> <style> v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} </style> <![endif]--><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="PlaceType"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="PlaceName"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:shapedefaults ext="edit" spidmax="1027"> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:shapelayout ext="edit"> <o:idmap ext="edit" data="1"> </o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">SECURITY OFICE</b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>Grand Central</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span><st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Caloocan</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">City</st1:placetype></st1:place></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />Dear Sir;
<br />
<br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;"><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CJSGabat%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;">I purchased a pair of black <b style="">DS STYLE</b> sandals for two hundred fifty pesos (Php250.00) last March 26, 2010(Friday) at around 1900 – 1930 from the complained tiangge stationed at the lower ground floor of Grand Central. I used the said sandals twice, on my way to Lipa last Saturday and on my trip back to <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Caloocan</st1:city></st1:place>. Today, two days after the purchase at around 14:00, while I was walking towards the village entrance from Lipa the right sandal split into two. There was no store around to buy myself a pair of slippers so I decided to walk my way through tiptoed to match the 2’inch hills of my left foot. By the time that I was at the bus station the other sandal broke also.</p> <p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;"><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CJSGabat%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;">I had a really hard time walking since I can practically feel the ground by only wearing what was left of the sandals with no hills. From walking from Buendia to the LRT station then from LRT station towards the lower ground of the Grand Central I was walking carefully since I might slip down.</p> <p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;">When I approached the two lady vendors I vent out about the defective sandals I just bought. I had taken Business Law as one of my subjects back in college and I am fully aware of the Consumer Act regarding defective products. I know for a fact that it was a defective product and my right is to demand a replacement or reimbursement of what I had paid. One of the vendor disagreed with me and said I can’t return the said sandals since it was purchased in “good condition” but if it is in good condition it would not broke down so easily. They didn’t assist me or help me any further. I asked for a receipt but they didn’t gave me any and they’re alibi was that the official receipt was with the owner. She, the vendor, said that she told me that there was no receipt back when I was purchasing the sandals but I did not remember that she had said that to me. They entertained other customers while leaving me there standing. I was already frustrated that no one would give me any remedy then I asked to see the owner of the store but no one did answer me seriously. I felt that the owner was hiding from me so I went to the Security Office to help me on this matter.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;">On my part I can say that I exercised due diligence on my way of using the sandals and I paid good money for it. I just lost two hundred fifty pesos which is very material for me. The owner should have trained their staff more effectively while the vendor should not speak to the customer if she doesn’t know how to respond politely to a customer. I think that both the owner and the vendor have the responsibility to at least study or even read the Consumer Act since they’re doing business.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 150%;"><span style=""> </span>I plead to the management of Grand Central to take action regarding this matter.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 150%;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 150%;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;">Thank you very much.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;"><o:p> </o:p><b style=""><o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;"><b style=""><o:p> </o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; line-height: 150%;"><o:p> </o:p></p> buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-70923276167104283172010-03-19T18:54:00.001-07:002010-03-19T18:54:12.556-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border="0" width="0" height="0" src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNjkwNDk4ODkwNzgmcHQ9MTI2OTA*OTkwMDY*MCZwPTI5MzMzMSZkPSZnPTEmbz1lZGMwZDM*MDFlMjQ*MDUxYjlj/Yzg2NmE4YTYyODNhYg==.gif" /><center><a target="_blank" href="http://videokeman.com"><img border="0" src="http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e159/normanski/players/ewualizer.gif" /></a><br /><a target="_blank" href="http://videokeman.com/uncle-kracker/smile-uncle-kracker/">Smile – Uncle Kracker Music Code</a><br /><embed src="http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e159/normanski/players/videokemanplay.swf" width="300" height="44" wmode="transparent" flashvars="playerID=1&bg=0xffffff&leftbg=0xCA4536&lefticon=0xffffff&rightbg=0xCA4536&rightbghover=0x999999&righticon=0xffffff&righticonhover=0xffffff&text=0xCA4536&slider=0x303030&track=0xFFFFFF&border=0x666666&loader=0xC52C24&autostart=yes&loop=yes&soundFile=http://videokeman.com/dload/flv5/080509/Uncle_KrackerX-XSmile.vkm"></embed></center>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-79301310374319464442010-03-15T06:18:00.000-07:002010-03-15T06:33:46.261-07:00Trials<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="display: block;" id="formatbar_Buttons"><span class="" style="display: block;" id="formatbar_JustifyFull" title="Justify Full" onmouseover="ButtonHoverOn(this);" onmouseout="ButtonHoverOff(this);" onmouseup="" onmousedown="CheckFormatting(event);FormatbarButton('richeditorframe', this, 13);ButtonMouseDown(this);"><img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif" alt="Justify Full" class="gl_align_full" border="0" /></span></span>It really amazes me when I think back at how long it had been since I fell in love with him. How it may seem to be a long forgotten road, a mere memory on how it all started but the feeling stayed here in my heart. There were times that I thought I had lost it. That every time I read his text messages saying “I love you” I felt indifferent and I was wrong to think that I was losing my feelings, it was still there, sleeping maybe.<br /><br />I thought that I would be better off without him, some of my friends also thought too but no, I am miserable. I can’t bear the fact that he will not think about me anymore or that his angry with me. I don’t want him to hate me. They said I will find another man but I don’t want to be touch by another man’s arms. I would cry if another man would insist on grabbing me. I don’t want to feel another man’s skin. I thought I could easily move on have another man to be with but I can’t. My body can’t, my mind can’t, my heart can’t – I’m stuck with him.<br /><br />It is more painful now that we are broken up than when we were together fighting and if there were things that I learned, these were those:<br /><br />One, when love hurts you it drives you crazy. You can’t think straight, you can’t make the best decisions for your self and you’re paranoid at what will happen every single minute that you’re not together.<br /><br />Two, you can easily pass an audition for a drama film since just one thought of him not loving you anymore can bring your tears to like a heavy pouring rain. You cry at the shower, you cry at your parents empty room, you cry at night when the lights are off and you are trying so hard to keep it in just so your sister will not hear you crying.<br /><br />Three, you keep your self busy with work just so you can escape from the loneliness but the downside is that you can never really focus to your job since your mind is pre-occupied.<br /><br />Four, when you love somebody you get vulnerable and the pain you will feel depends on how much you let that feeling go deep into your heart. You will now how much you love a person when he hurts you.<br /><br />But I think the biggest realization I had was this:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">“How much can you really love a person that you can keep in the pain just so you and him can make it to forever?” </span><br /><br />Then I think I just found out my answer…<br /><br />I am happy that I found love while I was still young and I think I am lucky that for the many reasons that he might not, he loved me back.<br /><br />He and I have our similarities and a great range of differences but every relationship has them. The song was wrong when it said “love me for what I am”, it is not really changing oneself –of course it’s wrong, it is about constant adjustment for both sides to fit one another.<br /><br />Trial, its one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Its only when things subside that you can see things more clearly and you get to understand why things are happening and that everything is for a <span style="font-weight: bold;">reason</span>. I am not saying were getting back together or that we are breaking apart. What I know is only my present, everything else <span>only </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Future </span><span>knows.</span></div>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-28723563482937383282010-03-13T03:41:00.001-08:002010-03-13T03:43:19.995-08:00A Lost Kitten<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CJSGabat%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I woke at 3am this morning when my sister shook me by the waist just to tell me to shut the electric fan off. I got on my feet, switch it off and open the door to let my cat go out who was also awaken and started to cry around at my feet. It’s a good thing she woke me up. I hadn’t finish reviewing my notes for my morning exam. It was the day of my retake exam for my regularization at the bank.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I went down to the sala and took all of my things with me. My two other cats where there sleeping at the top of the table while one was on the sofa. I open the widows to let the cold breeze enter. I believe that opening windows will let the blessings of the morning come in or simply saying: “letting sunshine in”.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">Well, I sat there not really absorbing anything since my mind is still half asleep. So I went out with my dog Ginger to get some bread from 7/11, toast it with peanut butter and had my morning coffee – as per usual. One sip of my coffee got me focus on my reading but then just by a click, everything shut down. There was a brownout. “Ugh! Again.”
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I’m not yet ready for the exam, I still needed to clarify some things so I went up to get those candles I placed on my bedside. While I was walking down from our stairs my right foot missed a step and it went all the way until I was able to stop myself from completely falling! My left foot was still placed on the top step and I can’t barely feel my breathing since my heart was pounding out of my chest. I glanced at Ginger who was looking at me worriedly and I felt she knew I had a bad fall.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Well nothings broken” I said to myself while I was checking on my legs. I tried to sit down again and read my notes as if nothing happened. When the lights went on again I tried to take down notes but to my dismay my hands where shaking, I couldn’t hold the pen properly.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">Wow, it was like bad forces were trying to keep me from making it to my exam. Then I thought about the time, “was it past 3am already? It’s not Emily Rose time anymore”.
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I went out of the house past 7:30. I knew I was gonna be late since my exam will start at 8:30 in the morning. When I checked my phone there was a text message from Evan,
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Good morning , good luck po sa exams mo. Nilalagnat Evan. Zzzz”</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Kaya pala hindi siya nagtetext” I thought to myself as I was heading towards the LRT station. There was a lot of people in the station even though it was a Saturday and the trip from Monumento Station to Gil Puyat Station had been so slow and so long. I always thought it was a quick trip back when I was used to ride the train.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">It was almost 9am when I had my sit at the examination room. I was still picking up my breathing since I practically run my way thru the elevator up to the exam room. Other girls were already answering there test papers while I was thinking again how much is the cost of the checkbooks since I block out, I can’t freaking remember it.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">“120.61 personal, 231.69 commercial. Aah! <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Sana</st1:place></st1:city> ang tanong checkbook requisition na lang."</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">When our proctor finally handed me my test paper I flowed out everything I knew and wrote it on the paper. There were items that I’m not really confident that I answered correctly because I didn’t quite understand what the question was referring to but by the end of it I think I did better on this one than the last.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I waved goodbye to Val and <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Gela</st1:place></st1:city>, my batchmates, as I headed towards my bus stop. The bus smelled really awful that I tried my hardest not to puke. I really felt dizzy and my stomach was really growling since I had my bread at 6am and hadn’t eaten anything yet at 11am. When I was at the LRT train, I was literally pushing my body against the train doors (the other side, which is closed) just to hold on until I reached the end of the station. My left leg was starting to hurt but I couldn’t let myself down. I had to summon all that will power to make it home safe since there will nobody to rescue me if anything happen. There is no one to depend on anymore.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">Ryan, the person who was always on my assist, is with Sophie now. Noemi and Kevin is having their puppy love moments and hanging out with them would only make my feelings worst. Sonny is tending with his sick grandma. I think everybody else has there places, all else but me.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I used to though I would get married with him. When I broke up with him and he said he still needs to fix himself up alone I just broke. Now I feel like I’m heading nowhere with no goals, no dreams about what will happen in the future. What I had is just the present moments.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">Maybe if I get my body in shape again no man will ever let me go. But I don’t want to be a medium of lust to many men. I don’t want to feel mistreated anymore. Its hard being a woman in this kind of society.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in;">The closest future dream I have now is on March 17, 2010 when the result of the examination is revealed. Its gonna be four days from now, four days of praying that I pass the exam and after that – I’m back at square one. I don’t know what to do with my life.</p> buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-46841403112161015712010-03-11T03:47:00.000-08:002010-03-11T03:48:31.272-08:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">He doesn't want me back and it hurts.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">-Buffy</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">03/11/2010</span><br /></div>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-89136169918199006432010-02-27T20:31:00.000-08:002010-02-27T20:47:32.256-08:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Don't bother. I'm moving on.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">-Buffy</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">03/01/2010</span><br /></div>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-43804801170800027092010-02-27T09:38:00.000-08:002010-02-27T09:45:30.573-08:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I think there will never be a guy<br />who is meant for someone like me.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I'm hurting.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">-Buffy</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:85%;">02/28/2010<br /></span></div>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-10753473362786043422010-02-27T09:30:00.000-08:002010-02-27T09:33:05.420-08:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">His gonna leave me anyway.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">-Buffy</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">02/28/10</span></div>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-53338946040157873842010-02-05T06:37:00.000-08:002012-12-08T21:31:37.547-08:00On Hating Men<link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CJSGabat%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List" style="font-family: georgia;"></link><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Tahoma; panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:1627421319 -2147483648 8 0 66047 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} </style> --><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">Even after 7 years of knowing each other, our differences, which was not an issue before, just started to boil up to the surface. This is what distance does I guess. You may think that you completely know each other so well but no, he’s just another stranger that you have to adjust to and maybe it’s because me, as a woman, is starting to think about my future- a family.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">
</span><span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">“Darn, your right ate” is what I would say to those who said this line when I was younger: “girls mature faster than the boys”. Now I’m thinking about how my life would settle and it started on the day I dreamed about my own wedding.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">
</span><span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">“It would be the best wedding my friends will ever attend to” as I kept saying on my mind as I held my head against the table top, staring at the ceiling while smiling.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">
</span><span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">If I foresee wedding as a trophy that I eagerly wanted to have there’s no one to blame but Disney and those sappy-eyed, old school, love story movies. They always end there stories with the girls getting married and live happily ever after. Making wedding the solution to a girl’s living nightmare. Even making Prince Charming so perfect! (I so much hate you Disney!) As if men are perfect! They have many lapses and not all men know how to take care of a girl like Prince Charming. They’re not always at the right place at the right time when you needed them. Geez…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">
</span><span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">Men from my time are DORKS! If the story of sleeping beauty happens today it would end up with sleeping beauty being sexually molested. Just last year we decided to move to a new house since there was a guy who was constantly bugging me while drunk. At first I did not mind him but as days pass by he became even more assertive. The last straw was when he, as drunk as hell, stopped the moving pedicab I was riding towards home, just so he could talk to me. I even felt that the manong, who’s driving, was as terrified as I was.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">
</span><span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">I went home so mad as I converted that fear to anger, slamming the gate behind me. He went on our front gate afterwards and I confronted him telling him to get off my back.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">
</span><span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">“Akala mo ba natutuwa ako sa mga pinaggagagawa mo?! Di ako nagpapaligaw sa’yo, tantanan mo na ko!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">
</span><span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">After that we move to a new place. Well this place is much peaceful and secured than before but yet again I just had another unwanted admirer who looks at me from head to toe whenever I pass by. Hay… A girl’s beauty is truly her curse. And if we girls don’t take care of ourselves or let down our guard for just one moment we can end up mistreated or worse – dead.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">
</span><span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">Now going back to my beau, I love him. I love him so much. I love him so much I’m being the guy in our relationship. I’m the one calling, the one coming over to his house, the one financing lunch, dinner and our traveling expenses and the worst of all is I don’t know how long this kind of set up will last!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">
</span><span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">Maybe I have such huge pride but where is yours? Have you lost it??? I know that you don’t have a job right now but please don’t make that the only excuse not to take any action from everything! Like you’re so impotent! If I’m being so demanding here then you’re being so selfish. I hate you for making me feel like this. Like I’m just someone begging you for affection.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;">Please, can’t you see me exerting my part here? Can you just meet me halfway?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-6751277342024908642010-02-03T05:07:00.000-08:002010-02-03T05:13:01.632-08:00I'm Loving Angels InsteadI sit and wait,<br />Does an angel contemplate my fate?<br />And do they know<br />The places where we go<br />When we're grey and old?<br />'cos I have been told<br />That salvation lets their wings unfold.<br />So when I'm lying in my bed<br />Thoughts running through my head<br />And I feel that love is dead<br />I'm loving angels instead.<br /><br />And through it all he offers me protection<br />A lot of love and affection<br />Whether I'm right or wrong<br />And down the waterfall<br />Wherever it may take me<br />I know that life won't break me<br />When I come to call he won't forsake me<br />I'm loving angels instead<br /><br />When I'm feeling weak<br />And my pain walks down a one way street<br />I look above<br />And I know I'll always be blessed with love<br />And as the feeling grows<br />He breathes flesh to my bones<br />And when love is dead<br />I'm loving angels instead<br /><br />And through it all he offers me protection<br />A lot of love and affection<br />Whether I'm right or wrong<br />And down the waterfall<br />Wherever it may take me<br />I know that life won't break me<br />When I come to call he won't forsake me<br />I'm loving angels instead<br /><br /><img style="visibility: hidden; width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNjUyMDI2MDE5NjgmcHQ9MTI2NTIwMjYzNzI2NSZwPTI5MzMzMSZkPSZnPTEmbz1lZGMwZDM*MDFlMjQ*MDUxYjlj/Yzg2NmE4YTYyODNhYg==.gif" width="0" border="0" height="0" /><center><a href="http://videokeman.com/"><img src="http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e159/normanski/players/ewualizer.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://videokeman.com/david-archuleta/angel-david-archuleta/">Angel – David Archuleta Music Code</a><br /><embed src="http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e159/normanski/players/videokemanplay.swf" wmode="transparent" flashvars="playerID=1&bg=0xffffff&leftbg=0xCA4536&lefticon=0xffffff&rightbg=0xCA4536&rightbghover=0x999999&righticon=0xffffff&righticonhover=0xffffff&text=0xCA4536&slider=0x303030&track=0xFFFFFF&border=0x666666&loader=0xC52C24&autostart=yes&loop=yes&soundFile=http://videokeman.com/dload/flv3/manual/David_Archuletax-xAngel.vkm" width="300" height="44"></embed></center>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-64230378456305060232010-02-03T05:02:00.000-08:002010-02-03T05:03:46.200-08:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mr. Right is freaking no where to be found.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">-Buffy</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">02/03/2010</span><br /></div>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-80301034085221975922010-01-25T05:03:00.000-08:002010-01-27T03:04:19.011-08:00Beaten by the Ox<div style="text-align: justify;"><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: times new roman;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CJSGabat%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: times new roman;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="country-region"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: times new roman;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Tahoma; panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:1627421319 -2147483648 8 0 66047 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; text-align: justify; font-family: times new roman;"><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CJSGabat%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Tahoma; panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:1627421319 -2147483648 8 0 66047 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> </p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><b style=""><i style=""><span style="font-family:Tahoma;">The Year that almost made me suicidal.</span></i></b></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /><b style=""><i style=""><span style="font-family:Tahoma;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; text-align: justify;font-family:times new roman;">Maybe it was really not my year since I was born in the year of tiger.<span style=""> </span>I had a really rough year last 2009. By January I was already crying from being constantly scolded at the office because of those stupid Christmas thank you cards that I’m sending in behalf of my ex-boss. I struggled to hold on to my job as much as I could since everybody around me was saying I’ll be so stupid if I let go of that job. Well, monetarily speaking it may be true but I couldn’t take the constant trauma and my growing depression that kept on building inside of me everyday that I go to that office. Up to the point when I had reached my limit, when I felt that I have to save myself and what li’l self respect was left of me from that office- I decided to quit.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">
<br /><o:p></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">Many said that I was really too young to have decided to resign that easily. That I was idiotic, but on those days that followed I was able to breathe again so easily and walk on my two feet smoothly and I was able to smile again.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">
<br /><o:p></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">I was able to make my mother understand how I really feel about my work there and also, I was able to make peace with my previous boss. I thought that I’m already closing a chapter in my life and that I’ll be able to start anew by reviewing for the CPA board exam, but I was wrong. Just like an earthquake, the aftershock came and almost did kill me.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">
<br /><o:p></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">To my astonishment, I had an outstanding liability to the bank which represented a one month salary that I was not entitled to receive because I had stop working already. It amounted to a terrifying P16,900 of which I don’t know how I could afford to pay. I was jobless.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">
<br /><o:p></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">So I tried to look for a job and found my way in the headquarter office of one of the top 10 banks in the <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Philippines</st1:place></st1:country-region>. I passed the exams and the interview. Even the assistant vice president like me and wanted to hire me asap. But when I had my medical examination taken, the doctor noticed a small cyst in my left breast.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">
<br /><o:p></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">I was in total despair. I was impotently lying in my back, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the worst things that could happen- dying of breast cancer. Is my life really just until here? <i style="">God are you calling me already?</i> How can I survive something like this? So much burden to bare and there was nothing I could even do but to cry my heart out while confined on my enclosed room.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">
<br /><o:p></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">Up until now I don’t know what happened but I believe God made me a miracle and in my heart I knew that He did and that He was listening to me. I got a text message from the company that I applied to and they said that I got the job already due to start on October first. I never went to find out about my medical result that the doctor passed to the company clinic. On the other hand, I had my cyst check with another doctor. After he examined me, he said that from the way it was located and the size and depth of the cyst, it was benign (though he said that I’m still up for observation for 3 months just to make sure that the cyst is not getting bigger).</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">
<br /><o:p></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">I was able to get the job setting aside the review for the board exams on which I know I couldn’t pass yet. I know here in my new job, I’m in a much better place on which I could enhance myself and learn more about the banking industry. But now I’m again standing at the brink of losing this job.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">
<br /><o:p></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">Last January 9, 2010 I just took my validation exam and I failed miserably. I was overconfident and too proud of myself. If God is teaching me a lesson, it is to be humble and He made me humble again. I really need to study now and understand the whole branch operation or else I’ll be terminated.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">
<br /><o:p></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify;">On February, my career may either start or end. Please pray for me.<o:p></o:p></p> buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-32092283338095494242010-01-25T03:43:00.000-08:002010-01-25T03:47:48.720-08:00<div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><blockquote>"I want to get married already<br /><br />But my groom's not yet ready."<br /><br />-Buffy<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">01252010</span></span></blockquote><br /></span></div>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4486161223560619240.post-3105615858596401642009-12-19T00:47:00.000-08:002009-12-19T00:49:26.383-08:00<div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"><blockquote><span style="font-size:100%;">"He's the man that I want<br /><br />but he's not yet the man that I need."</span></blockquote></div><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">-Buffy</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">12192009</span><br /></div>buffyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16272677388121474730noreply@blogger.com1