I really don't know if I'm gonna be excited to go back home to Ilocos after knowing from my cousin, Kuya Wencie, that Bubong is staying most of the time at my aunt's house to take care of the goat. They're still teasing me about him even though it was ages ago and it was not really a big time crush, it was just a one time appreciation of how good he was at basketball.
I think I'm not yet ready to go back and be judge again with my body. They will all say how fat I become as if I had babies already. Jeez people, their standard of sexy is even more crucial than the people here in the city. Oh gosh, I will really need to buy myself some new clothes that will really look amazing on me. I'll show them I'm still pretty.=)
Well anyways I getting bored at gym. My trainer, Kuya Obet, transferred to Fitness Center. I can't really enjoy going to the gym anymore. It almost felt like I am doing chores rather than having fun. Well of course loosing weight is not fun but what the heck. If I don't enjoy what I'm doing I never be able to finish what I started.
It was funny as I think back at my first few trainings with Kuya Obet. It was at the time that I felt I was never really appreciated by Evan as a woman. It doesn't felt like he wants me anymore because of his actions towards me whenever I was with him in Batangas. By the time I went back home here in the City I was really devastated.
Then I found it with Kuya Obet. First of all guys, I really think that he had been professional in dealing with me. After 2 hours of gym works he would rub my back and stretch my arms and legs to relax my muscles. It really felt so good. As I lay there with my eyes closed I always wished that Evan was the one doing it.
That had become my motivation to go to the gym almost everyday. I really felt pathetic that I had to find it from some other guy what he can't seem to give to me- to feel appreciated. He would tell me that I'm glowing because I'm loosing weight and I would always smile at his comments. It came to a point where I went to a department store to buy a new perfume so that I would smell pretty beside him.
That had been my deal breaker. I lost it. I really felt that I was disrespecting myself by having to find appreciation indirectly from my gym instructor. I was like beyond pathetic- I was so cheap!
Well now he' gone. I'm just have to find something to motivate me to go to the gym. Anyway I think I'm doing fine by myself. Noemi is with Kevin, Ryan with Sophie, Sonny with Michelle and Buddy with his Michelle, every body else got their partners all except me. Wow, the world has really turn upside down now. I remember my phone conversation with Ryan. I told him that maybe I should have waited and didn't get a boyfriend when I was in highschool. Maybe by now I too will have somebody with me. He just said, "Duh, I doubt it." Well, what can I say, Ryan is a real jerk!
From my last conversation with Evan he said WE still existed but I don't know. He doesn't even text me lately. I think he's always waiting for me to talk to him first. Why is he even like that? I'm caught in between hoping that we'll be able to make through this or accepting that what we had already ended. If he really wants me to hold on then why is he treating me like this? If I don't contact him it really felt like he doesn't even exist. I think I will be always be like this with him- taken for granted. ='C
I think I'm not yet ready to go back and be judge again with my body. They will all say how fat I become as if I had babies already. Jeez people, their standard of sexy is even more crucial than the people here in the city. Oh gosh, I will really need to buy myself some new clothes that will really look amazing on me. I'll show them I'm still pretty.=)
Well anyways I getting bored at gym. My trainer, Kuya Obet, transferred to Fitness Center. I can't really enjoy going to the gym anymore. It almost felt like I am doing chores rather than having fun. Well of course loosing weight is not fun but what the heck. If I don't enjoy what I'm doing I never be able to finish what I started.
It was funny as I think back at my first few trainings with Kuya Obet. It was at the time that I felt I was never really appreciated by Evan as a woman. It doesn't felt like he wants me anymore because of his actions towards me whenever I was with him in Batangas. By the time I went back home here in the City I was really devastated.
Then I found it with Kuya Obet. First of all guys, I really think that he had been professional in dealing with me. After 2 hours of gym works he would rub my back and stretch my arms and legs to relax my muscles. It really felt so good. As I lay there with my eyes closed I always wished that Evan was the one doing it.
That had become my motivation to go to the gym almost everyday. I really felt pathetic that I had to find it from some other guy what he can't seem to give to me- to feel appreciated. He would tell me that I'm glowing because I'm loosing weight and I would always smile at his comments. It came to a point where I went to a department store to buy a new perfume so that I would smell pretty beside him.
That had been my deal breaker. I lost it. I really felt that I was disrespecting myself by having to find appreciation indirectly from my gym instructor. I was like beyond pathetic- I was so cheap!
Well now he' gone. I'm just have to find something to motivate me to go to the gym. Anyway I think I'm doing fine by myself. Noemi is with Kevin, Ryan with Sophie, Sonny with Michelle and Buddy with his Michelle, every body else got their partners all except me. Wow, the world has really turn upside down now. I remember my phone conversation with Ryan. I told him that maybe I should have waited and didn't get a boyfriend when I was in highschool. Maybe by now I too will have somebody with me. He just said, "Duh, I doubt it." Well, what can I say, Ryan is a real jerk!
From my last conversation with Evan he said WE still existed but I don't know. He doesn't even text me lately. I think he's always waiting for me to talk to him first. Why is he even like that? I'm caught in between hoping that we'll be able to make through this or accepting that what we had already ended. If he really wants me to hold on then why is he treating me like this? If I don't contact him it really felt like he doesn't even exist. I think I will be always be like this with him- taken for granted. ='C
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