September 6, 2009, a very rainy Sunday afternoon, I was walking home after my overnight stay at my bestfriend's house, Maui. I left at Maui's house in a very gloomy mood. It turned out that my friend Dona and Prince, a couple back in my college days who clearly love each other, ended up breaking apart because for some circumstances that they end up hurting one another. I was thinking to myself, how could things turn out to be like this? Is it because they're loving too much? Is it really like that? And then it got me thinking about my own situation.
Apparently me and Evan was in this petty quarrel on which I had started. I was just bummed. There was this one night where I phoned Evan and was talking all the things that happened to me, blah blah blah. When I ran out of things to say I asked him if he has any story he can tell me and he said none since he was only at home doing the usual stuff. There at that very moment, it just happened again, we shared this awkward silence.
Well guys, you see when you are in a long distance relationship all you can do share is talk-talk-talk and let me tell you how much of a great effort you must put into if you want your relationship to really work. I believe that I gave this relationship the best of what I can do. I really pushed myself to make things easier for him, making the unattainable, attainable. Although I know that he is really not that kind of person who talks a lot and tells a very detailed story of one's boring life just like what I was doing with him. But my point here is, atleast I'm trying to share my life with him but I don't get the same reciprocal effect. I was having too much disappointment over him. I didn't know that I'll come to this point in my life where my heart got tired of keeping this relationship.
So with my friend's ending relationship, my very much troubled love life and most of all ,with a rainy atmosphere, I thought to myself "What could have been in store for me?". Then suddenly the emo part of me came out and took over.
"I don't know yet the purpose of my life" I said to myself. (Jeez, very much emo! Haha!)
Is it to become a women's right activist? To spread awareness to people that every day a woman gets abused physically, mentally and sexually? To help abused women rise up from their suffering and live? To be an instrument of woman empowerment?
I talked to God saying "If I will choose that path, the devils that I longed wanted to forget will reappear before me again.".
"Is it really to become a CPA?" I also thought, "because I just gave up on my review for the board exam".
"Will I have kids? Because somehow I sense that I will not have any. I feel like I will live till my 40's."
"Do I still love him?"
All those thoughts were running through my head as I walk crying, on a rainy Sunday afternoon, then wiping my tears away as I approach our front door.
"Mommy, I'm home."
Apparently me and Evan was in this petty quarrel on which I had started. I was just bummed. There was this one night where I phoned Evan and was talking all the things that happened to me, blah blah blah. When I ran out of things to say I asked him if he has any story he can tell me and he said none since he was only at home doing the usual stuff. There at that very moment, it just happened again, we shared this awkward silence.
Well guys, you see when you are in a long distance relationship all you can do share is talk-talk-talk and let me tell you how much of a great effort you must put into if you want your relationship to really work. I believe that I gave this relationship the best of what I can do. I really pushed myself to make things easier for him, making the unattainable, attainable. Although I know that he is really not that kind of person who talks a lot and tells a very detailed story of one's boring life just like what I was doing with him. But my point here is, atleast I'm trying to share my life with him but I don't get the same reciprocal effect. I was having too much disappointment over him. I didn't know that I'll come to this point in my life where my heart got tired of keeping this relationship.
So with my friend's ending relationship, my very much troubled love life and most of all ,with a rainy atmosphere, I thought to myself "What could have been in store for me?". Then suddenly the emo part of me came out and took over.
"I don't know yet the purpose of my life" I said to myself. (Jeez, very much emo! Haha!)
Is it to become a women's right activist? To spread awareness to people that every day a woman gets abused physically, mentally and sexually? To help abused women rise up from their suffering and live? To be an instrument of woman empowerment?
I talked to God saying "If I will choose that path, the devils that I longed wanted to forget will reappear before me again.".
"Is it really to become a CPA?" I also thought, "because I just gave up on my review for the board exam".
"Will I have kids? Because somehow I sense that I will not have any. I feel like I will live till my 40's."
"Do I still love him?"
All those thoughts were running through my head as I walk crying, on a rainy Sunday afternoon, then wiping my tears away as I approach our front door.
"Mommy, I'm home."
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