"I feel that I’m in the right path… risking it all to chase that dream.”
The start of this year had been very hard. I come home depressed and very angry. This negativity started to fill me and it made me afraid. Afraid because this is not me. I was not this enraged person. So on the eve on Jan 22, I told my boss: “I’m resigning…”
I was able to take it at first. The pressure… the stress… and everything that comes in the work environment. But what I did not take easily was the trauma. Especially when the trauma at work and at home come attacking me at the same time. I was not able to stand it. I was already breaking down. I felt like i had nowhere to go to. Like I can’t escape. It felt so damn heavy. I hated the world. Kept thinking why do people have to make other suffer.
I was at that breaking point. Can’t seem to understand His plan for me. On why He kept placing me on a situation where I constantly have to be scared. At first I thought, maybe the reason He gave me a father like him was to prepare me for the worst. And then I asked myself, “is this where I really belong? Then why am I not happy?”
“Di ka pa ba sanay?” I refuse to learn to get used to the trauma. Ayaw kong masanay coz I do deserve to be happy. Bakit ako magtitiis? Why do I have to do this cycle all over again? No. I refuse. I don’t want to.
And so what I call a drastic decision to resign came.
Yes I was able to do it, and what came after that was the answer to my questions.
Now I was enlightened. I figured it all out.
This is what happened. If I had a boss who treats me well my job would have been the perfect one. A good pay, a good boss, a great company and a very happy work environment. I will not mind being an executive assistant all my life! But no, he didn’t gave it to me yet. Now I see that His really pushing me to take harder road if I really wanted to succeed in my life. His pushing me to take the board exam.
And so I accepted His challenge. I’ll do it. I’ll take the long and winding road if this is really what He had planned me to be. I will risks it all. I’m afraid. But I’ll do it.
(January 31, 2009)
The start of this year had been very hard. I come home depressed and very angry. This negativity started to fill me and it made me afraid. Afraid because this is not me. I was not this enraged person. So on the eve on Jan 22, I told my boss: “I’m resigning…”
I was able to take it at first. The pressure… the stress… and everything that comes in the work environment. But what I did not take easily was the trauma. Especially when the trauma at work and at home come attacking me at the same time. I was not able to stand it. I was already breaking down. I felt like i had nowhere to go to. Like I can’t escape. It felt so damn heavy. I hated the world. Kept thinking why do people have to make other suffer.
I was at that breaking point. Can’t seem to understand His plan for me. On why He kept placing me on a situation where I constantly have to be scared. At first I thought, maybe the reason He gave me a father like him was to prepare me for the worst. And then I asked myself, “is this where I really belong? Then why am I not happy?”
“Di ka pa ba sanay?” I refuse to learn to get used to the trauma. Ayaw kong masanay coz I do deserve to be happy. Bakit ako magtitiis? Why do I have to do this cycle all over again? No. I refuse. I don’t want to.
And so what I call a drastic decision to resign came.
Yes I was able to do it, and what came after that was the answer to my questions.
Now I was enlightened. I figured it all out.
This is what happened. If I had a boss who treats me well my job would have been the perfect one. A good pay, a good boss, a great company and a very happy work environment. I will not mind being an executive assistant all my life! But no, he didn’t gave it to me yet. Now I see that His really pushing me to take harder road if I really wanted to succeed in my life. His pushing me to take the board exam.
And so I accepted His challenge. I’ll do it. I’ll take the long and winding road if this is really what He had planned me to be. I will risks it all. I’m afraid. But I’ll do it.
(January 31, 2009)
