The Year that almost made me suicidal.
Maybe it was really not my year since I was born in the year of tiger. I had a really rough year last 2009. By January I was already crying from being constantly scolded at the office because of those stupid Christmas thank you cards that I’m sending in behalf of my ex-boss. I struggled to hold on to my job as much as I could since everybody around me was saying I’ll be so stupid if I let go of that job. Well, monetarily speaking it may be true but I couldn’t take the constant trauma and my growing depression that kept on building inside of me everyday that I go to that office. Up to the point when I had reached my limit, when I felt that I have to save myself and what li’l self respect was left of me from that office- I decided to quit.
Many said that I was really too young to have decided to resign that easily. That I was idiotic, but on those days that followed I was able to breathe again so easily and walk on my two feet smoothly and I was able to smile again.
I was able to make my mother understand how I really feel about my work there and also, I was able to make peace with my previous boss. I thought that I’m already closing a chapter in my life and that I’ll be able to start anew by reviewing for the CPA board exam, but I was wrong. Just like an earthquake, the aftershock came and almost did kill me.
To my astonishment, I had an outstanding liability to the bank which represented a one month salary that I was not entitled to receive because I had stop working already. It amounted to a terrifying P16,900 of which I don’t know how I could afford to pay. I was jobless.
So I tried to look for a job and found my way in the headquarter office of one of the top 10 banks in the
I was in total despair. I was impotently lying in my back, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the worst things that could happen- dying of breast cancer. Is my life really just until here? God are you calling me already? How can I survive something like this? So much burden to bare and there was nothing I could even do but to cry my heart out while confined on my enclosed room.
Up until now I don’t know what happened but I believe God made me a miracle and in my heart I knew that He did and that He was listening to me. I got a text message from the company that I applied to and they said that I got the job already due to start on October first. I never went to find out about my medical result that the doctor passed to the company clinic. On the other hand, I had my cyst check with another doctor. After he examined me, he said that from the way it was located and the size and depth of the cyst, it was benign (though he said that I’m still up for observation for 3 months just to make sure that the cyst is not getting bigger).
I was able to get the job setting aside the review for the board exams on which I know I couldn’t pass yet. I know here in my new job, I’m in a much better place on which I could enhance myself and learn more about the banking industry. But now I’m again standing at the brink of losing this job.
Last January 9, 2010 I just took my validation exam and I failed miserably. I was overconfident and too proud of myself. If God is teaching me a lesson, it is to be humble and He made me humble again. I really need to study now and understand the whole branch operation or else I’ll be terminated.
On February, my career may either start or end. Please pray for me.
