Saturday, March 7, 2015

Tarnished Love

Heartaches, they have different effects on people. For some, they found new love - a love that treats them better, some discover their real sexuality or may have found their calling, others turned out to do the same to other people, lashing out their revenge and outrage, but for me, having felt how painful it was to be lied, disrespected and betrayed to, I came to tell myself, “I’ll never want to be the cause of this kind pain to other people.”

I’ve closed my mind with this principle, I wouldn’t let myself be someone else’s mistress, a home wrecker or the other woman. I came to hate others doing it but when someone very close to me became one, I had no choice but to understand their situation. 

What is it that led them to this situation? Why haven’t they stop at the beginning if they know it wasn’t right, that they will hurt the people who loves them? Why with someone already committed, much worst, why with someone already married? Why???

Going deeper, I saw the realty of marriage. That it’s not true that after being married you will live happily ever after like what those story books are telling. I saw people making the mistake of marrying someone because they’re stressed about their age, then eventually finding someone who they clicked with. I also saw how staying on an abusive household will have an effect on the members of the family. Why would I try to keep the family together if it is no longer functioning well? Who am I to deny their so called love?

But this much I hold on to myself, that there is still true love. In this time where broken family and unfaithful relationship is all around me, I say to myself, there is still love, that pure and true love, like the love I’m getting from Rick and the love that I am seeing with my family. 

  I thank you Rick for always making me feel loved. You bring such joy to my heart that I am deeply fulfilled with happiness and contentment. Thank you for being true to me. I still remember that day when I said this to you, "'Wag mo ko lolokohin ha, masisira tau" I am so scared that I'll go thru the same ordeal again, but you quickly replied, "Malamang masisira tau kung lolokohin kita." Buti ka pa alam mo yan. My heart was at peace when I heard your answer. You knew that mistake will never be right. You knew how vulnerable I am and you took great care for me. Baby, I love you to the fullest. Thank you.

I thanked my friends, who at the time I was heartbroken and feeling so sorry for myself, they were there to carry the burden with me. That when the time I was in a long distance relationship, they have kept me company. That they were there when I was feeling so lonely and alone. From that long distance relationship I came to strengthen my bond with them and eventually polished me to be more confident, to have myself respect back and eventually loving and valuing me as a person. I also would like thank my cousins who showed me how wonderful it is to have found true love and stay committed to each other, you all are my living example. I want to thank my parents that even thru the unending fights and misunderstanding they have never left each other. This was my foundation. I guess this is where my conviction sprouted.

  Love was never a selfish act. 

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