The Paramount Bridge

I was filled with doubts and worries about my future with Evan. I was in so much loneliness upon learning that he still don’t know how to care for me, to care about my feelings. But I don’t blame him, I blame it to the this damn long distance relationship. I tried to move on and shake off those worry feelings I’m having for it can destroy my remaining affection towards Evan.

To set my mind on something else rather that to feel the loneliness I tried to contact my friends to come go out with me on the weekend. I was scanning facebook when I received a text message from Rick asking what I was doing.

Rick. I wonder why he never asked me if I have a boyfriend. When he was first assigned in our branch last August I thought, “oh well, a new roving teller. He looked 28. Hmmm… pwede na din” then I looked away and never really pay too much notice towards him.

I was holding my cellphone and thought, why not go out with him? Jp’s too attached with me now, maybe I can befriend Rick and make him test subject number 3 (first being Jayson then Jp for Ryan’s replacement). So I played, replying to his text, that I’m trying to find someone to come with me at the mall on Saturday. He asked me to let him come then I teased him saying “wag na baka magpalibre ka pa.” I like to tease him about being three years younger than me.

“Ano? 21 ka pa lang!” was my initial reaction upon learning about his age. First of all, I don’t want to date younger guys than me. I want to be taken care of; I don’t want to be the one to take care of. Second, he never had a girlfriend, if it was me I don’t want to be the first girlfriend anymore. I don’t want to teach someone how to be a boyfriend.

Eventually I told Evan I will go out on Saturday with Rick. He asked me why off all people I would go out with a guy who had a crush on me. I just said, “Siya na lang kaysa naman kay Jp.” He said ‘ok’ and asked me again what he looks like and again I just said “Di ko type”.

My mind was fighting against my feelings. Whenever he comes to the office my heart skips a beat and I was feeling very tense and smiling unwillingly. My officemates teases me every time because when we share a glance with each other our faces lights up with a big smile on our faces. I just took it and said to myself “wala lang yun.” I was lying to myself.

Saturday came, I was at work in the morning. I was becoming more and more nervous as time comes ticking. I texted him that I’m on my way to the mall when I got up on the bus. Evan said to me I got only an hour with him, I said not to worry I’m not falling for him. My heart was pounding and pounding up until I reached my stop – the paramount bridge. I received a text from him that he was already there at starbucks waiting for me. I was just about to climb the stairs. Halfway across the bridge I got a text from Evan saying he was feeling uneasy about me meeting up with this guy. I continued to walk and walk until when I’m about to finish crossing the end of the bridge my mind said

“Wag ko na lang kaya ituloy ito. Just turned around and text Rick that your sorry you can’t make it.”

I was standing there for about 2 minutes with a worried expression on my face. Somehow I was feeling that once I completely crossed that bridge my relationship with Evan will distort. I was afraid on what will happen with me and Evan.

A moment of silence began, like a dead heartbeat on a hospital's ER. Not really thinking about what I will do next, I began to take a step – and climb the stairs towards sky garden.

And there I meet up with Rick.