Last night, I talked to God.
I asked Him if He was listening to my pleas
And when will He answer my prayers
Because I told God
“I am tired. I am so lonely God.”
With tears flowing down my face
I cried to Him.
“You are the only One
Who knew how much life had been cruel to me.
How much pain I had received
How much tears I had cried
The cruel experiences
I had received from a father that You gave to me…
God, You knew that You
Are the One that I call on to
When my life turns helpless.
You are the only Father
I have known and love.
You knew how much
I wanted to go to where You are
So that You can protect me
From all those people who hurt me.
And You knew that,
When we finally met one day,
I would be crying in front of You,
And would asked, if me,
An unworthy child,
Could hug You…
My Father, dear Lord,
Take me home…”
But then,
My prayers have not been answered.
But people say to wait
Be patient…
I don’t know if You wanted me
To reconcile with the father You gave to me
Or if You can’t hear my pleas
And maybe, You wouldn’t help me at all
Because, I don’t deserve to be helped out.
I am a rebellious child of yours
And it hurts me
Because I would have never been like this if…
God, You knew I wasn’t a bad child, aren’t I?
I am a good kid.
I am a good kid God.
I never wanted to be bad.
But then I realized
That I had been praying to You
Since I was a child.
I was praying to make good
The father that You had given me.
But You didn’t answer,
He punched me in the face.
I was asking to make the father You had given me
To be like the other good fathers
But You didn’t answer,
He had thrown a mug at my head
Wounded my hand, and dripped blood from my veins.
And then I was crying to You…
God, helped my mother, take her away from the father
You had given me
But You didn’t answer
He beats my mother while I ache in pain for her
And it was the most painful of all.
God, when will You tell Him to stop?
When will I deserve a happy family life?
I am crying to You, my dear God…
Why haven’t You given me a good-natured father?
Haven’t I deserved one”
Why such cruel fate?
Why such tortured life?
Painful memories to keep…
God,
I am hopeless…
I miss the people I loved
I miss my cats
And that one special pet…
I missed him terribly God…
Can I ever hug him again?
The pain that I stuck inside of me
Would burst out everytime I think of him.
You know how much I cared for him
How much he mean for me.
God…
Are you there?
Then You appeared to me God.
In my dream,
A form of an angel.
I cried at His sight
He was shinning brightly
I can’t see Him clearly.
Then He told me
That He was sent in Jesus name.
He had resurrected me
And then I had thought,
Have I died?
In my dreams it told me,
Someone killed me
Thrown me into a pit
But the angel lifted my soul.
I was delighted.
I search for my mother then,
To save her from her husband
I woke up, still confused.
I asked God if He was there,
And in my dream
The angel prove to me that
God, You are there,
You are listening to me!=)
The death of my life in my dream,
Might mean that someday,
I would die together with my wrong doing, my sins
And live again as a Christian.
I would lie to You if I told You I had forgiven him…
God, I don’t want to live with him anymore…
But I don’t know if I can take
To be parted from those I loved…
You are the only Father I knew
God, can You share to me…
Even a little of Your love.
Guide me God, support me.
Show me the way…
Lead my life God
Because I am confused.
I will be strong, I promise.
Please don’t leave me.
Guide me to Your home.
I love You, Jesus
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