If my memory serves me correctly, it was almost 1 and a half year from that day that we called our friendship over. We were very mean tempered and couldn’t get along from that dreadful week that we thought would bond our relationship much stronger. Well, we were wrong. I admit that we are so stupid to quarrel at things like that. We were both immature and would keep our pride, never admitting that we’re both wrong.
It was funny now to think about our situation back then. We acted like preschoolers. I can still remember that face that you wore every time we passed by each other. You never forget to let me see how angry you are at me. And how about those things we said out loud to ensure that we heard each other’s “parinig”. It was like those times in our freshman years that we swore to become rivals. We never let one out numbered each other. We were so dumb busy fighting over a guy that didn’t even become our li’l buttercup. It really made me laugh to think about those times that we say to noemi that we fought at that guy that eventually became hers.
Well I don’t know how we became good friends, even close friends! I know it started when we step on our sophomore year. We became classmates again and then it kinda gets fuzzy around that… All I know is that you will come to me from that time and tell me how you were left out from the group that you constantly come with.
I know you tell our friends how bad I was when we were at our first year. You told them our “freshman fighting series”. You were so mean to make them see me as if I was the only bad girl from those times! Holler? As if you never fought back? Well girl, it never occurred to me too that we would end up being sisters. I don’t know when you started to feel that I was your bestbud. Even I didn’t know when it happened during that sophomore year. I can recall though, that time when we were at jenn’s house, they were asking who our bestfriend was. It was for that slambook that was passed around the group. They were teasing us that we were bestbuds and it gotten into my head that, well, maybe we were.
We thought we would never get angry again at each other because of the rough path that eventually led to our sweet friendship. We thought we were stronger from those trials. I thought so, but we were still weak. Maybe it was those guys that weaken our friendship, those guys that we loved. It was from these moments that I think I should have chosen to secure our friendship than waste it to some unworthy lover.
It was hard for me to feel our friendship deteriorating each day. It was hard for me that you led the group away from me because of my relationship with another. I thought, for all people, you were the one that would not left me from those times when I needed your understanding and your hand. It affected me so much but I kept quiet. I know I shouldn’t burst my thoughts for it may signify the end of everything we shared. Sadly, you never empathized with me, friend. You never did.
I wrote you that e-mail regarding those thoughts that was kept in my head. I even told you how awful I felt for those cold walls that kept building between us. I still have faith that one day our friendship would be as sweet as it was way back then.
It was on that week that I thought had come for our replenishment but then, it led to our downfall. I could not keep the twinge when you had chosen them over me. Do you realize that you did that everytime there are misunderstanding in our group? You left me for them, the prize I received from the trust I gave on you.
You left me dear friend, just when I needed you most. It did notify me that you would never stand for me. I thought I was special for you. That maybe I was in your heart or that maybe you appreciated me not just of a person but of a friend that cared for you the most. I didn’t know that you could easily throw away the relationship we had just like that. It signified the end. Maybe we were both weak but maybe this is how our friendship would end-just a mere memory.
I’m sorry if I can’t go out anymore with our barkada. I’m keeping myself busy now from studying. I’m sorry if I keep paying attention to other things than those messages you send. Maybe I don’t want to understand anymore what you were trying to tell me or if there is really something that you want me to feel. Maybe I’m scared from the friendship your offering me that is why I kept in distant. Still, I would assure you that I would never forget you and those beautiful memories that will live in my heart forever.
Thank you my dear friend and a sad
goodbye.
From the friend who
loved you truly,
AZL.
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